I Should Tell You
by AuroraTenchi
Summary: I'm back! For a little bit... This story just had to come out of me. Basically a sad drabble about Yugi's fears over telling Yami his feelings. Rated to a little bit of language. Enjoy!


Ok, I know I said my last story about a year ago was my last, but I had to let this one out. For years I wrote about love between two fictional characters only going off of the kind of love I imagine myself having. Now, I'm finally feeling what the characters feel. Sadly though, I have not taken that leap of faith that I have to describe in most stories. I guess I never truly understood it until now. You'll see what I mean…

I do not own Yugioh…though I will say it feels good to be back, if only for a moment. Some (if not all) descriptions and events actually are part of my life now. I also do not own the song and title "I Should Tell You" from RENT. Those belong to Jonathan Larson (RIP). Enjoy!

**ISHOULDTELLYOUIMDISASTERIFORGETHOWTOBEGINIT**

I figured it out a while ago. I love him. Well, it might not be that strong…yet. But I do feel something. Oh God I feel it as that rock in my stomach whenever I think of him. Whenever I think of telling him…

No! I'm scared.

The moment has to be perfect. But it might not be… What if he says no? It's not like we can just go our separate ways and hope we don't run into each other. If he were to say no, it would ruin our friendship. It would be too awkward. Would we talk again? Would we still talk and laugh together like nothing happened? Then who would I go to for comfort. He told me to let him know when I need it. He can provide it.

But oh God, I need to tell him…

If he were to say no, I'd be so embarrassed. He would laugh at me for feeling like that. Why would I ever dream that he would return my feelings? Would he tell our friends and allow them to join in his laughter? I would never want to show my face again. Embarrassment is nothing new to me, but from him would be even more torture than not telling him.

But, that day I got home feeling down because of a test, he came out of the puzzle, turned around and smiled at me like we hadn't seen each other in years. I almost cried. I felt the tears stinging at my eyes, begging me to let them out. Begging me to be honest. But he was being so genuine. I didn't want this moment to be remembered as the most heartbreaking, embarrassing moment of my life. I wanted the moment to be remembered as another warm embrace from him as he consoled me. When he turned his back to sit on the bed, I blinked multiple times. Damn tears. Once I hid the tears of happiness (or was it sorrow?), I smiled for him. He gave me the comfort I wanted just by being there. He wanted to give me one final hug. I wonder if he realized I held on longer than usual.

We've known each other for so long. He knows my character and I know his. In the early days, I was virtually a child. I played games; I was the one who was always getting beat up, teased. I was the one who felt inferior to him. I've grown now. How much of that does he see? I still feel inferior too him. Like, if I were to tell him, he'd simply pat me on the head and think how adorable it was that I could even possibly think such a thing when my maturity is not up to par. I still feel like a bouncy, uncontrollable foolish child around him.

Sure, I was the one who gave him the comfort he gave me when he realized Anzu didn't feel for him the way she thought she had. The tables had turned for those days. In picking up the pieces of his heart, I fell in love with each individual one (A/N: My own original quote. I use this all the time to describe how I got to my present state.). Even still, I feel inferior. I'm growing up, but I'm still scared shitless.

I know what I will say, and how I will say it. But when? When will I grow the balls to tell him I'm in love with him? We see each other all the time, but each time he does something that makes the moment too perfect to ruin. No, it's really nothing too special. He just acts like himself. And that scares me.

I have set a deadline. As the day of his departure to wherever the gods tell him to go approaches, I know my courage is going to arrive sometime. Funny, I kept telling him I want to be more like him. Would he hold back like this? Scared shitless of saying a few simple words?

I don't think he feels the same way I do. Still, I have to. I've had small, simple crushes before. But that moment I kept those damned tears contained confirmed it: this isn't like those. This is real. It's so fucking real that I can't ignore that rock in my stomach when I think of him. When I think of telling him though, it gains 100 pounds.

I tell myself, "What's the worst that can happen? Are you going to die if he says no? Is embarrassment the worst? That's not so bad."

Yes it is. Rejection. Embarrassment. I'm afraid of shit I don't even know what it's called.

As Jicahan plans family events and trips, I picture him with me. I only wish he didn't feel like he was imposing on family things. I want him by my side. I would introduce him to my distant family members and share my best memories of past memories with him. I want them to know him like I do. The fact that I cannot touch him outside of our soul rooms is no longer the only problem I have with this image.

If I were really just in love with being in love, I wouldn't have felt like crying that day. I wouldn't single him out as the one I want to take to see the holiday festivities. I wouldn't think of other people I once thought I loved and only get fog when I try and see them with me and my family.

People who can understand me for my likes, dislikes, beliefs are hard to come by. He understands me. He cares. He protects me.

Would he understand my feelings?

One day I WILL say it. But for now, I wallow in fear. Only I can get myself out of it.

I love him…

**NOWWEOHNOIKNOWOHNOWHOKNOWSWHEREWHOGOESTHERE**

I'm listening to "Teardrops on My Guitar" as I write this. I almost cry at that song.

Please review. And if you have any advice for me, I'm open to it. Glad to be back for a little while!


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